The Payday Bluff
by Noir Detective
Summary: Buffy finds out that her mother is ill earlier than in canon and decides to do something about it. Unfortunately she needs money to do it, but she has a cunning plan how to get them.
1. Chapter 1

The Payday Bluff

**AN: Hey there all readers I have few things to say. English is not my first or second language and although I study it at Uni my written English is still far from desired. Although I have few fics in progress, which I should be working on, but in my defense I have been attacked by a rabid plot bunny and didn't let go till I put it on a paper. I have first two chapters written and I am working on the third. This fic will have roughly around ten chapters.**

**It has been ages since I have watched Buffy and it was in Czech dub so there might be a lot of errors in the names spelling etc…**

**This will be a heavy AU for season Four: featuring Non witch Willow. Angel is dead, Xander who left scoobies , Faith who didn't break bad and was more than less adopted by both Summers plus more Jerk Gilles. Pairings: Willow/OZ Buffy/Tara Faith/?**

**Cheers from Noir Detective**

**And now betaed by CECILE**

**Disclaimer: Not mine not by a longshot**

Prologue

The clown slowly wove his way towards the First National Bank of California in Sunnydale. He stopped across the street and looked at the bank; seemingly in deep thought and observing people enter.

He was a short and slightly overweight fellow, dressed in a bright red slightly oversized suit over a purple vest and tie. His oversized white shoes shone in the morning light. Atop his bright green mop of his curly hair sat a bright blue cylinder with red bow. His face was covered in a thick layer of white make-up, effectively hiding his true face and creating an illusion of a smile. In reality, his expression was as cold as the wind from Siberia. Within his gloved hand nestled long strings attached to a dozen of colorful balloons floating above him.

He continued to calmly observe as a guard came out of the bank. He smiled brightly at the latter giving him a cheerful wave. The guard waved back and started to raise the bank's flag. Once done, the guard returned inside.

The clown muttered to himself. "Time for work."

Chapter One

**A Week earlier**

Buffy sat on a bench before the hospital's examination room. She insisted that her mother be properly examined after their nasty encounter with a vampire during the Cruciamentum test. She was soon joined by her adopted sister-slayer-Faith.

Faith came to her life a year ago after she had returned from LA where she ran away to when she slew Angelus. In the subsequent week, the brunette slayer became her sister in all but blood. Even her mother accepted Faith into their family and gave the latter stability. That fact brought nearly fanatical loyalty to the Summers' clan from her sister-slayer. She had to be restrained by Buffy from going after Giles after hearing what happened. It was basically Giles' fault that Buffy started losing her powers and nearly his fault that their mother got bitten by a vampire during the test. Although the watcher had a change of heart and helped them in the end, he had irrevocably lost their trust.

Faith left to get coffee for the both of them. Then Buffy overheard her mom's doctor saying, that her mother needed more tests to be done to determine what was causing his patient's headaches lately. She heard further that the patient's insurance would not cover such examination procedures including possible treatments. It became abundantly clear to her then the good doctor suspected her mother might indeed have a brain tumor.

Buffy knew that things weren't ideal in the art market lately and that Joyce never mentioned, they had been barely making ends meet. From what her mother did say to the doctor, she gathered things might be even worse.

Buffy felt her heart clench and her insides turn cold. One thing was clear-she needed money and fast. Her father Hank was out of question, as he wasn't willing to pay even the basic support for his daughter. She sighed and leaned her head down in her hands. She would have to speak to Giles. If the watcher really wanted redemption then he would have to help. If not, then she would have to talk to Willow and Oz or maybe even Tara. She saw Faith approaching laden with coffee and thought, _'No, Faith had enough on her own plate right now. She didn't need to worry that her adoptive mother might be very seriously ill.'_ She schooled her features to be cheerful and grateful for the coffee.

The next day after school found Buffy sitting in the Espresso Pump sipping latte alone with her thoughts. She should have known that asking Giles for money was going to be a bad idea. After an hour of listening to his lame excuses, to his whining, bitching and evading any responsibilities from him and the Watcher's Council for her mother's health issues or any possible financial help, she had had enough. In hindsight, she should have expected such a reaction from Giles.

She went and talked to Willow. Her friend promised to help as much she can, even offered all of her savings and what was left of her monthly allowance. Willow's boyfriend Oz had even less money to spare than Willow, but nevertheless he made the same offer. Buffy politely declined, saying she couldn't take all of their money knowing that it wouldn't still make a dent to the sum she needed.

Willow then suggested to contact Xander and if he could talk to his girlfriend Cordelia's parents. Buffy flat out refused. Willow wasn't surprised since Xander started distancing himself from the Scoobies after the whole Angelus-fiasco. Then he started dating Cordelia. Now, he wasn't even helping with slaying or coming to Scooby meetings.

Tara made the same offer of help. Buffy felt heartened by that, but declined knowing that Tara was living from her university stipend and needed every cent she can scrounge up. Buffy smiled softly as she fondly remembered her first meeting with the blonde Wicca last summer. Tara had just arrived Sunnydale and was looking for cheaper accommodations than the dorms. During one of her ventures, she stayed too long after sundown and was ambushed by several vamps. They cornered her. When she thought she was a goner, Buffy came dusting them. Soon after, the slayer had to deal with a nearly hysterical witch on the brink of a mental breakdown. Tara overheard one of the vamps calling her savior The Slayer. The wiccan witch mistook that this mean she too would be slain by this slayer after dealing with the vamps. Buffy managed to calm her down. It didn't take long for the Scoobies to get a new residential witch and Willow a new housemate. Willow's parents at the time were on one of their rare visits home at Sunnydale and heard the highly edited version of Tara's life. They offered Tara a rent-free room in their house on the condition that she would look out for their daughter.

Buffy looked glumly into her coffee mug searching for inspiration, when it came in the form of two First National Bank of California employees seated in the adjacent booth chatting about work. She didn't listen closely to their ramblings at first, until one of them said, "This Friday shift is gonna be a bitch!"

"I heard ya Johnny! With all the paychecks for the truck drivers, and I heard that the mayor has scheduled a big withdrawal on a Friday afternoon. He wanted his money in cash. In cash, " snorted the other one. "I do get why truck drivers would want their money in cash; but I can't imagine why the mayor wanted such a large withdrawal in cash as well. They would be bringing the cash in on Friday morning so we have very little time to sort it out. Can you imagined how much cash we will have to work with?!"

"I wish I could get my hands on all of that money…" said the first one wistfully and added, "Man, can you imagine if there was a robbery? You wouldn't have to work for another day in your life!"

Said the man named Johnny, "Yeah, but first you would have to pull-off a job like that!" Both of them laughed.

Buffy sat there dumbstruck for a few seconds. A plan began to form in her head. She quickly left the Espresso pump and headed home, inattentive to her surroundings, thinking deeply as her plan started to morph into a more cohesive form. When she arrived home, she only muttered hello to her mother and Faith in the living room. The latter shockingly enough was reading a book. She didn't even snarked at this but instead headed straight to her room. Once inside, she locked herself, went to her wardrobe and opened the bottom drawer. She dug through it, and on the bottom found the object she was seeking. It was carefully wrapped in an old sweatshirt. Slowly unwrapping the cloth, she held a big black revolver inscribed with a 'Python .357 Magnum' on its six-inch sized barrel. Buffy deftly opened its cylinder and carefully pulled one bullet out looking at it in contemplation of what happened six weeks earlier:

_Buffy was finishing her usual patrol and was preparing to head home when a vampire jumped from the shadows of an alley. _

_Unfortunately for him, he was greeted with a roundhouse kick in the face. When he picked himself up of the ground, he surprisingly didn't engage immediately in the melee instead pulled a big gun from his pocket, with a battle cry. "You, bitch! You will pay for that."_

_But before he could aim, Buffy slapped the gun from his grasp and drove her stake home. When the dust and the sneezing fit settled, all what was left from the vamp was a big ass gun on the ground. Buffy didn't know where the impulse to take the weapon home with her came from, nevertheless she took it. Once home, she wrapped it in her old sweatshirt and concealed it in the bottom of her drawer._

Buffy shook her head and slotted the bullet back into its place snapping the cylinder shut. She returned the gun into its hiding place and went to her desk pulling a notebook out and started putting down ideas on paper. After an hour of diligent working, she placed her notes in her pocket. She needed another perspective. She knew of only one place where she could get it, but before that she needed to go upstairs in the attic to check on a few things. The attic was overly dusty and really needed cleaning. Buffy absentmindedly noted as she went to an antique wardrobe tucked in the farthest corner of the room. Inside were things her mother still hadn't sorted out or thrown away. Among these was a hideous red clown suit with accessories. Hank bought the costume for a work masquerade a year before he left them. She was pleased to find that it was still intact and quite usable.

She placed the items in an empty box tucked under her bed. After looking at the time, she surmised she had a good three hours till she needed to go on patrol. She stopped in the living room to tell her mother and Faith she would be going out to Willow's to check on things from school; and once Faith heads out for patrol she should go there so they could go together. After saying her goodbyes, she practically ran out the door.

**Rosenberg residence **

A few minutes later, Buffy impatiently knocked at Willow's door. The redhead hacker opened the door and saw an uncharacteristically serious Buffy saying in one breath, "Wills, I need to speak to you and Tara about mom's situation privately. Is she here and has Oz left?"

"Well yeah, but Tara wanted to study in her room. I can call her down. Yes Oz left earlier today with the Dingoes for a gig. " She moved aside to let Buffy in. Her friend settled on a sofa in the living room. Willow brought Tara down and both sat in armchairs and patiently waiting for Buffy to start.

Willow observed as her friend gathered her thoughts, pulling a notepad from her pocket. She started to shuffle it in her hands then took a deep breath.

"Wills, Tara I know this came out of the blue but the fact was I need cash fast and I found a way to have it." Buffy stood and started pacing in front of them. "I have considered all possibilities and I hadn't much choice as I am out of options. I can't get money now by any legal way. I formed a plan and my reasons for telling you this were threefold: 1.) I needed some feedback from a different perspective, 2.) I needed to eliminate all possible mistakes and 3.) I might need assistance from you two to pull it off. If you refuse to participate in it at any rate, I wont hold it against you two. Just…just hear me out."

Willow and Tara exchanged glances. Whatever was Buffy planning, it sounded something serious. Willow looked at a clearly nervous Buffy and gently said, "Buffy, you are our friend and friends help each other. Whatever you've planned, we will help. God knew you have helped us countless times. So tell us what you were planning and we'll help you in every way possible." Her statement was met with an encouraging nod from Tara.

Buffy sighed in relief and walked over the coffee table. She gently patted Willow's shoulder and squatted between the armchairs, gently pulling in her two friends closer. She whispered, " I planned to rob a bank this Friday. So are you two, like in?"

Willow and Tara's eyes widened as Buffy dropped the proverbial bomb on them. The redhead yelled, "Seriously? Please tell me you said what I think you said! Oh God please be joking!"

After Buffy gave them a crooked smile, the severity of the situation dawned on them both. Tara stuttered, "Surely, you can't be serious?"

Buffy ruefully nodded. "Yes I am and don't call me Shirley! I have a plan! I've got a plan so cunning, you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel!" she punned.

Both Tara and Willow gaped at her.

"So are you two in?" she asked crookedly smiling, finding both of their expressions funny.

The two exchanged glances before they nodded.

Buffy smiled and opened her notepad, spreading several sheets of paper on the coffee table and started explaining her plan to her slightly shocked friends.

Willow started comprehending that Buffy was not only planning a cunning bank robbery, but that she was actually going to carry it out. What was worse was she thought she could pull it off. The redhead stared down on the papers detailing her friend's plan. A part of her thought Buffy was even more cunning or a bigger schemer than they knew. She looked at Tara who slowly nodded to her. "Okay Buff this plan is crazy, let me tell you that. That said, it is also brilliant and we might be able to pull it off. So what do you need from me?"

Buffy grinned and hugged her friend. "Thanks Wills. I knew I could count on you. Now I need you to hack into the city's database and acquire bank plans and all security details like the number and position of cameras. All you can find. Can you do this?"

Willow nodded.

Buffy turned to Tara silently asking if she was willing to play any significant part in the robbery. Buffy knew that Tara's agreement would be crucial for her plan to succeed. The Wicca looked like she was fighting an inner battle with her conscience, but one look at Buffy's pleading face and she gave a decisive nod. Buffy smiled softly and gratefully at her, taking both her hands. This brought butterflies to the Wicca's stomach.

"Tara your part will be even more important…"

**AN 2: Anyone who will recognize from which film comes the bank robbery gets a a virtual cookie. Hint it is not American movie.**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Disclaimer Sadly not mine I am just playing in the sandbox of my mind.**

**Now Betaed by CECILE**

Chapter Two

Buffy wished she could scratch her scalp. The wig was itching like crazy. She stiffened, sighed and strengthened her resolve. _'This is it, the point of no return_.' She thought and smiled at the guard and waved at him. He waved back. She observed him as he raised the flag and slowly inside the bank.

Buffy said to no one in particular and under her breath. "Time for work." And she crossed the street and entered the bank doors.

Anthony Simons just planted his ass in his chair in the security booth and scanned the monitors. His day was going to be slow. He idly wished that something exciting would happen, but aside from the paycheck transfer for truck drivers and the mayors transaction, nothing interesting was in store for the day.

Suddenly the clown who waived at him across the street stood in the doorway of his booth. The clown pulled his horn from a pocket and honked it merrily.

Anthony stood saying, "Sir, you are in a restricted area. Please leave, people are working here."

The clown let his balloons loose with a "OOOH BALLLOOONNNSSS!"

Anthony's eyes involuntarily followed the floating balloons. He froze as he heard a startling metallic click.

He looked back down and his eyes nearly crossed as he realized he was staring down at the end of a barrel of a gun.

"I am working here too, pal." The clown answered coldly. "Now," he peered at the guard's nametag, "Anthony. May I call you Tony?" asked the clown coldly.

Anthony nodded slowly.

"Tony, my dear Tony let me ask you. What did they teach you to do, in the security academy, when somebody points a gun at you?"

Antony slightly stuttered, "To put my hands above my head and avoid sudden movements."

"Cool, soo…" said the clown prompting him with the gun. Anthony placed his hands above his head. He felt the clown lean forward, take his service gun and expertly threw it into wastebasket without looking. The clown backed up and leaned on the console.

Anthony gathered his courage. "This bank has only one exit and nobody ever robbed it before."

"Really? You don't say. Tell me Tony, what does this button do?" He suddenly asked pointing to a big red panic button. "Does it call the police?" The clown continued and started to stroke the button. "Would you be happy if I press it? Would you?" The clown cooed, "Soo…let's try it." The clown pressed the panic button with a gleeful smile.

The alarm started blaring and the only door to the bank closed with a loud clang.

Everyone inside was confused and looking around at what was happening. They saw a very strange sight coming out from the security booth-a guard with his arms up in the air, followed by a clown holding a gun and yelling, "Everybody be cool, this is a robbery!"

Not a few costumers were unsure on how to react to the sight. Some raised their hands startled, realizing what was happening. Some stared, not really comprehending what was happening. Some started laughing. Into this mess came a man clothed in a finely tailored suit yelling, "Anthony! What the hell is happening? Why are your arms up? What kind of circus is this?"

"Tony, care to introduce us?" the clown asked sweetly.

"Mister Director, sir, err… meet the robber, Mister Clown." Anthony stammered gesturing to the clown. "Mister Clown meet the Director." The stammering guard finished lamely.

The clown gave a small mocking bow saying, "Enchanted"

The director stared at his guard, then at the grinning clown and back again. "The police will be here in a matter of minutes so get lost or you will deeply regret it! Everybody, the excitement is over, get back to work!" He clapped his hands then turned to Anthony and the gaping clown. "Tony put your hands down man, you look ridiculous. I didn't know you could be tricked so easily by this obviously fake gun." He shook his head in disbelief and turned on his heel muttering under his breath that he had to call the police off.

People started calming down. Some shook hands, congratulating themselves they survived the prank. Only Tony still had his hands up. Contrary to what his boss said, he recognized when a real gun is pointed at him and knew when someone was serious and willing to use it. He knew all of this from his brief stint in the Army years before. He looked and gave a resigned shrug at the clown who repeatedly opened his mouth, incredulous at the retreating back of the bank director.

The clown nodded sadly, walked several steps away from Tony, took aim and pulled the trigger.

BANG!

The loud gunshot reverberated across the hall as the gun barked. The glass wall and a potted plant behind a counter exploded. Both were hit by the speeding bullet.

Most people including the director hit the ground. Some curled themselves in corners or behind various furniture for cover.

Now the clown was slowly walking through the hall between the cowering hostages. He loudly asked, "Now, I will ask you a question. What is round as a balloon and explodes when hit by a bullet?"

Nobody dared move or answer.

"Nobody?" The clown asked loudly again. "A human head!" He exclaimed gleefully. "Did you ever see how a head explodes, mister director?" the clown coldly asked glaring at the bank director who only managed to shake his head.

"No? Shall I demonstrate?" The clown pulled the nearest hostage roughly by her hair and put the gun against her head.

The young brunette girl started crying and begging for her life.

"Please be calm and don't hurt anybody!" the director begged from his position. "We will do whatever you want."

"You will do whatever I want. Eeyaa!" the clown slowly said with large toothy smile and suddenly smoke started to come from his ears. "I want you all to gather at the center of the hall." He exclaimed merrily, still holding his gun against the girl's temple.

"That includes you too fatso, behind the counter! You wouldn't want to let this young girl die, do you?" the clown said. A lot of people were surprised to see a rotund clerk climbed from behind a counter at the clown's back. Some realized the masked man really knew what he was doing.

"Please sir, I have three children" the clerk begged.

The clown just shrugged and said "And this woman certainly has a family who cares about her too so move your ass!"

When everybody stood at the center of the hall, the clown released the girl and said merrily, "Now, everyone hold hands and start dancing in a slow circle. To make things a little bit happier, let's sing a song! You pick a song." He pointed to an elderly man.

"Ehmm Ho, for California?" the man said in a timid voice.

The clown nodded in agreement and with his gun in his hand he gave the rhythm as if he was a musical director.

_We've formed our band, and we're all well manned… _

The people started to slowly move in a huge circle with the clown standing to one side. Staring at his handiwork for a few moments, he started to circle the bank's hall.

**Meanwhile at the Sunnydale Police central station**

Sergeant Costelo was on duty when an alarm sounded from the First National Bank. He quickly switched his monitor to show the security feed and stared. He picked up the phone and dialed. "Detective Stein? Could you come down here? There is something you should see."

Detective Stein had just arrived at the police station and was making himself a cup of coffee when the Sergeant-on-Duty called him down to the central control room. As he walked sipping coffee, he idly noticed the red light of FNBoC on the Sunnydale map, indicating that an alarm was sounded in the bank. The man watching the camera feeds shouted at Stein.

"Sir, you have to see this."

Stein moved to see and his jaw nearly hit the table, "Sarge, is that a clown?"

"Yes sir."

"Well, that's a new one. Chief Munroe is going to have kittens." Stein mumbled "Okay people, you know the drill people! Send all available units to the First National. Call in SWAT teams on the double and secure the perimeter. Get all information about the bank that we have here. Somebody, get me Chief Munroe the line, NOW!" He yelled and stared as utter chaos broke in the station. Everybody hurried to do his bidding.

Police cars and all available patrolman headed to the First National Bank.

Stein silently watched the screen as the clown gathered his hostages in a circle, his coffee long forgotten in his hand. Scanning the paper that a passing cop gave him containing the relevant information about the bank, his eyes widened slightly. He read the sum the bank received this morning. He silently whistled. The sergeant next to him pulled his sleeve and handed him the phone wordlessly.

"What is it Stein?" Monroe grumpily said from the other line.

"We have 211A in First National in progress, Sir"

"A what?"

Stein rolled his eyes. How Munroe got his job as the chief was a mystery to him! "Armed robbery in the First National Bank in progress, Sir"

"I heard that Stein! I'll be there in fifteen minutes." and Munroe hang up.

"Yeah, sure you will," said stein disgusted. He was interrupted from his thoughts by the sergeant watching the camera feeds as the latter loudly exclaimed, "Hey look at that!" and gestured to the monitor. The clown was looking directly into the Camera, waving at it before shooting.

"Clever. He blinded us," muttered Stein. "Okay Costelo, give me a headcount from what can see in the records and get me a photo of the clown. Fax it to my car. " ordered Stein as he watched the clown systematically destroy all three cameras inside the bank. He shook his head and headed out to his car.

Stein silently sighed. He was far from being a model cop, he knew that. If he was, he wouldn't be here in merry Sunnyhell on the first place. Once upon a time or precisely two years ago, he beat up a child rapist suspect into a bloody pulp. He was given a choice either resign from the LAPD homicide or be charged with manslaughter. He naturally resigned and the only place where he could find employment as a cop, with his record, was here in Sunnydale.

'_And now clowns are robbing banks! My life really sucks.'_ He thought as he started his car and left the police station.

**Back at the First National Bank**

'_Okay stage one of the plan is complete. Let's move to stage two. The cops should be arriving here right about now. They're probably setting up the perimeter,' _Buffy thought to herself. In her clown voice, she said "Okay, we sang and danced. Now down to the vault we go. Director, after you Allons-y!" She exclaimed gleefully and herded her hostages down to the vault.

Once in front of the bank vault, the clown smiled at the director and asked, "Now good sir, will you be so kind as to open the vault for me?"

The director defiantly said, "No, I won't do that! You will have to kill me."

The clown just smiled. This greatly unnerved the hostages.

Buffy really expected the director pulling a trick like this sooner rather than later and she had perfect counter for it. "Well, I might just chop your hand off!" She mused out loud, "Not that I might not do that, but it's quite messy let me tell you. All that blood and gore all over the place. Hmm, no, I have a better idea! Tell me dear children, what do you get if you mix nitrate toluene with an amount of sulfuric and nitric acids and then nitrate the whole thing several times? The…?"

Some of the hostages started trembling.

"The T…The T. N. T. Of course! A whole bunch of it!" She tore her vest revealing cartridges of TNT strapped to her fake belly. She pulled a fuse and lighted it with a zippo. She started running a circle around the hostages scaring them, before perching on a table. "In thirty seconds, we'll all go in a BIIIGGG BADA BOOOMMM!" She exclaimed merrily.

"Okay, okay! I'll open the safe!" yelled the now pasty-white director, pressing a palm onto the vault's palm reader. The heavy vault door slowly opened. He pulled a key and unlocked the grills behind the vault door, leaving the key in the lock.

Buffy extinguished the lighted fuse by water in the nearby flowerpot and ran to the vault door yelling: "It's mine! Mine, all mine now! " Whooping and cackling, she spun towards her hostages.

"Okay people, all of you into the vault and let's move the cash. You should create a chain. I want you to place all the money on that trolley." She indicated to a metal trolley standing innocently in a corner of the vault.

The hostages lead by Tony started to pile the money onto the trolley. Once full, Tony took it upon himself to push the trolley out of the vault.

The clown standing by the door on guard, let him pass by and herded him back inside the vault. He was about to close and lock the grills on the hostages when Tony noticed a heavily pregnant woman, probably in her seventh or later month of pregnancy, leaning against the wall. She looked pale. Tony gathered his courage again and spoke.

"Sir we have a pregnant woman who doesn't look good. She needs some air. You can't just trap her here with us!"

"Okay."

"What?" said a baffled Tony

"You heard me," said the clown irritably. "Get the woman out here . I'll take her up to the hall for some air. I may be a criminal, but it doesn't make me mean and cruel just because I can."

The woman slowly walked out and the clown locked the grills. She was lead to the lift, followed by the trolley of cash and the clown behind. Once the lift doors closed, the woman sight and said, "You know Buff, you really scared me up there. Even though I knew what were you planning to do, I never expected you would put so much drama into it."

Buffy laughed, "I know! I even surprised myself. But you were quite natural Tara."

The elevator dinged, announcing they had arrived in the main hall. "Great! We'll move the money and deal with Sunnydale's finest." she grinned.


End file.
